writing for grief and loss

These days it’s feeling more and more as if we are writing to save our lives.

But why write at all, with the world becoming crazier by the minute and the pressures on us to toe the line, get a proper job and pay the bills increasing?

Is it wrong to want to tell our stories, to express ourselves? Is it selfish?

NO!

Now more than ever the world needs people speaking their truth, telling their stories, creating and enjoying the process, filling up the oversoul with some much-needed creative joy! Expressing ourselves, whether through writing, painting, song or any other artform is an essential act of defiance against those who would have us chained to the grindstone feeding their mill. We are creatures of delight, meant to be enjoying our ride here on earth, not enduring it.

By writing or pursuing any other art form we affirm our right to joy. Not only that, we’re expressing truths shared by many others, not just our own. One purpose of writing is to connect with others, to show them they are not alone, that we’re all in this together.

Humans have an innate need to translate our emotions into art. The ancient philosophers often spoke of Truth and Beauty as integral to our experience and the search for both has fuelled many expeditions and experiments both internal and external. Since the Greek philosophers, beauty, truth and goodness have been the aim of those searching for meaning. In his poem “Ode on a Grecian Urn“, the English Romantic poet John Keats wrote, “Beauty is truth, truth beauty—that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know”. That is my truth.

Portrait of John Keats by William Hilton

Writing has saved my life many times over.

When I was in my teens and lost in grief, alcohol and drug addiction, I began writing a journal. At first it was just so I could remember what I’d done the night before – I wrote almost illegible recounts of my wild nights out – but soon after my journalling became much more. I started writing when sober as well as drunk, and for the first time began to express some of the emotions I was swallowing down with all that goon (cheap wine). I noticed that when I wrote my all-pervasive anxiety settled, my shoulders dropped and best of all, if I dropped into what I now call “the zone”, I could happily disappear from the chaos of the outside world into a kinder world of my own as easily as Alice fell down that rabbit hole.

I wrote to save my own life. Now I help others do the same. They’re not dying of terrible illnesses, but their minds are filled with stories that won’t let them rest. Their minds endlessly replay the horrors they’ve endured. Not the good stuff, that’s sitting dusty on some upper brain shelf, neglected. No, the brain likes to remind us over and over again of the bad days, the trauma, the pain.

Writing is the best way I’ve found to get those stories to stop. Yes STOP. The stories that used to haunt me are no longer in my head, I’ve written them out and turned them into books. I’ve turned that pain into stories I find beautiful, and created meaning to the random events of my life, and found peace.

So sometimes yes, we are writing for our lives. We write to quiet our minds, to heal our hearts, to bear witness for those we’ve lost, to give voice to those oppressed and voiceless, to create meaning for ourselves and for others, and to connect and share the experiences of this bizarre rollercoaster ride that is life in all its bitter glory.

We write for the joy of creation itself. For the pleasure of expressing ourselves. Because it makes us happy. Doing anything that makes us happy right now is essential. The world needs our joy to counter all the suffering and fear-mongering, leading us only deeper into darkness.

Joy sparks in us when we see or create something beautiful. Beauty and joy are interrelated, co-dependent in the best way. The world needs more joy, so we need more beauty. We can create that beauty in our stories or other artworks, or we can just slow down and notice the small beauties all around us. Each blade of grass, each blossom, each small perfect bird is a miracle of beauty. We, as creative artists, help others to reach towards this joy, this beauty, and through it find expression of the truths of our lives, of all life.

This is important.

Remember this: Writing may not make you rich (though we’ll keep dreaming!) but one thing I know for sure after a lifetime of writing, is that writing will enrich you beyond measure.

So write, my dear writing friends, write for your life and for us all. Has writing saved your life? Let me know in the comments.

Lots of love,

Edwina 🙂 xx

When the going gets tough, writing helps. From an early age I discovered that writing helped me make sense of the world, or at least helped me understand it better. Many writers are driven in the same way. We write to get thoughts in order, or discover the truth of our feelings about a situation.

Over the past several years I’ve been working with Forgotten Australians who have suffered more trauma than most of the rest of us put together. Together we’ve figured out ways to use writing, and in particular fiction, to harness the power of the imagination to bring comfort and healing to the stories of our pasts and bring in lighter energies for our futures. Transforming victims into superheroes!

We are often driven to write after the loss of someone we love, not just to try and make sense of their loss but also to leave some sort of record of them, a mark on the world. This was certainly so for Thrill Seekers which bears witness to my brother Matty’s battle with adolescent onset schizophrenia. I wrote A Guide Through Grief the year after my infant son Teddy’s death from a congenital heart defect, to comfort myself and make sense of his loss, but also to bring some good into the world from his coming and going.

https://edwinashaw.com/buy-a-guide-to-grief-and-thrill-seekers-here/

Most of us have long hard stories stuck in our heads about all the wrong that has been done to us, the litany of woes, the stories that just won’t let us rest. These stories need to be released onto paper. It’s the best way I know to free yourself from having to relive those sad stories over and over. After all, the past is gone forever. We don’t have to keep replaying it in our minds.

Dorothea Lange: Dyanna lying on her back in the grass circa 1961

Here are a few writing activities I’ve found useful for healing emotional pain.

Keeping a journal

This is never to be read. Not by you. Not by anyone. This is just pure complaining, whinging and moaning territory where you can play the “poor me” record as often as you like. Pour anger, grief, bitterness and rage onto the pages of your journal every morning then head into your day feeling lighter. I follow the Julia Cameron Artist’s Way “Morning Pages” commandment of three pages longhand, but you don’t have to do that much. Just make sure you download at least some of the hard stuff each day. Come home to yourself on the page. And finish with something positive – an affirmation like I am safe, all is well, or a list of things you’re grateful for.

Write out your Truth

If you have a story stuck in your head about a past traumatic event, or a recent loss, then write it down. Don’t gloss over it. Go into specific details. Where were you? What was going on before and after this? Fill in all the sensory details, every last moment explored deeply. Weep and wail as you write but get all that hard story out of your head and onto the page. It doesn’t have to be great art, but it just might be the start of something like beauty. Be honest. Tell your truth. Your voice is valid and valuable.

Rewrite the Past

We don’t have to stick with the endings life gives us. We have the great gift of our imaginations to create other alternate realities. For example, although in real life my brother killed himself at twenty, in Thrill Seekers I was able to give him a new ending where he and his brother went off to explore the world. What ending would you like to change? Who would you like to give another chance at life? Write your story and change the ending to what you wish it could have been. The past can’t be changed, but we can change the way we feel about it by giving ourselves alternate happier endings that make us smile.

In the Shoes of the Enemy

This one is a little challenging but can be very rewarding. If someone has done you wrong, let’s say that wicked nun who beat you up and belittled you in Grade 3, then write a story from the perpetrator’s perspective. You can make her as mean and vicious as you like, but maybe, just maybe, something was going on in her own life that made her act so abhorrently. This is one of writing’s greatest gifts. It is the only artform where we can truly explore what it is like to be in the mind of another person. It is a wonderful tool for compassion, even for the very worst of enemies.

Revenge is Sweet

If having compassion for those who hurt you, isn’t your cup of tea, then try writing a story where they get their comeuppance! Get the kids in the nun’s classroom to lock her in and throw mud at her. Or write an unhappy ending to that lover who did you wrong. Revenge is safe on paper. I’d rather try to forgive and move on, but if you must have your revenge, then do it on paper. You could write yourself a brand new lover and write a scene where you encounter your ex and show off like mad. Have fun!

These exercises are just the tip of the iceberg of the many ways we can use writing and other creative activities to help us to heal our emotional pain and find peace. If you’re struggling with loss or trauma, you may find my Guide Through Grief a useful ally, full of helpful ideas and exercises to help you heal. I’ve also recorded a short Meditation for Comfort and Joy to help uplift your heart, even on the toughest of days.

We are given creativity to express our feelings and help us to heal. What helps you most on hard days?

Take good care of yourself and keep looking up. Life is good and love is around every corner.

Lots of love,

Edwina xx

Edwina Shaw

WRITER / EDITOR / MENTOR / THE HEALING POWER OF STORY

writing for grief and loss

Write For Your Life!

WRITING THROUGH HARD TIMES -writing activities for emotional healing

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