RE-MEMBERING – Structure for recovery and trauma memoirs

At our recent memoir and life writing retreat I came across an article in Womankind magazine about Gloria Anzaldua’s theory of the stages in reconstructing self after trauma. And blow me down if it didn’t also work for structuring trauma memoirs! I’m not saying it’s the only way to heal or that the stages of recovery or stages of a memoir need to follow this order, but for anyone struggling with either trauma or finding a structure for the writing of traumatic events, I hope this will help.

GLORIA ANZALDUA

As with the stages of grieving first put forward by Elisabeth Kubler Ross, there is often a to-ing and fro-ing between stages or phases of emotional growth, sometimes all in one day.

However, a familiarity with how other people have found the experience and stages to identify can be most useful. And for writers having some kind of structure, any kind, is very welcome, especially when grappling with wrestling real-life trauma onto the page.

TRAUMA MEMOIR STRUCTURE IN 7 EASY STEPS!

  1. THE EARTHQUAKE – this is it! The trauma hits and our world is turned upside down. The story we’ve been telling ourselves about ourselves is destroyed and our old beliefs and identity collapses.
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  • LYING IN A HEAP – this is when we’re lying in the debris of our old lives, not knowing who we are anymore. Not knowing which way to turn. We may try to pretend that nothing has changed, we may try to return to who we were before, the lives we used to lead, but find it is no longer possible.
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  • ROCK BOTTOM – we realise the damage has been done and there is no going back to who we were. We are stuck, unable to move, unable to find a way forward. We have fallen to pieces and can see no way to stick ourselves together again.
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  • CALL TO ACTION –  you break free from your old ways of coping and reconnect with spirit. We let go of all that no longer serves us and begin to see a way ahead.
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  • RECONSTRUCTING OURSELVES – now is the stage where we collect all those thousands of little pieces we fell into and attempt to put them back together again. Not as the old “us” but a new creation made from the same stuff rearranged, re- membered.
  • THE BLOW UP – returning to the world and reconnecting with others as our new selves.
  • EXPRESSION – here we experiment with our new reality and new self, expressing ourselves in creative activities – writing, art, dance music, healing, teaching, spiritual activism.

 If you’re writing a trauma memoir you’re in stage 7! YAY! I can certainly relate to all these stages and applaud all of you who, like me and Gloria, have picked up all those mixed up, broken pieces of yourself off the floor and created a brave new you and wonderful new life filled with creative expression.

Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels.com

Creativity is a powerful tool for healing emotional pain. Write it all out, paint it, dance it, play it on a guitar, whichever way works for you. Create beauty from the pain. 

Let me know if this structure is helpful to you, in understanding your own trauma journey, or for structuring your trauma memoir. I hope it works for both!

With lots of love

Edwina xxx

YOGA AND ME :)

Happy Yogi
Happy Yogi

I love September, not only does it herald spring here in Australia, it’s also my yoga birthday. YAY! Yes, I’ve just had my 28th yoga birthday and am entering my 29th year of daily self-practice. I’ve learnt that the motto of Astanga, my first yoga school, “Do your practice and all is coming” is true. For everything.

Dream yoga spot on Magnetic Island 🙂

            I was first introduced to yoga in the 1980s and had already been doing a few postures and practicing mindfulness when I met an Astanga practitioner who gave me a print out of the primary series of postures when I was travelling in Cambodia in 1993. Brian led me through a few sessions of the dynamic and powerful practice and I was instantly hooked. Through yoga I was able to replace negative habits with this good one. Every morning I got up and did the practice, even after Brian travelled on. I didn’t have a mat or a teacher, only that piece of paper with stick figure drawings showing me the way forward.

This is a slightly fancier version

            It wasn’t until after some five years of daily practice, and the birth of my daughter, that I attended a yoga class. My first proper yoga teacher, Ian, was a strict Astangi and we were not allowed to progress beyond the primary series of postures until we had mastered all of them. As a short round woman, I knew this may never happen, so after the birth of my son, I found another teacher Peter, who, although based in the Astanga practice I loved, also included postures from other series and schools of yoga. He also introduced me to pranayama which now, after many years of daily practice, gives me great delight.

            Yoga is not for everyone, I know that. But it has been my life’s greatest teacher, my healer, my best friend, my comfort, my challenge and my joy. My yoga mats have caught more than their fair share of tears as the practice unearthed each and every grief and pain I had suppressed and brought to the surface in bouts of unrestrained weeping. My mats have seen me dancing with joy and taught me how to laugh even in the middle of a difficult challenge. In combination with writing, which helped me to express and process the emotions yoga brought to the surface, yoga has healed my life.

Kerry and I showing off 🙂

            Every day I come home to myself on my mat or out in nature. I am not a strict Astangi any more, but I still like a vigorous practice. I’ve learned that yoga is never wrong. You can always practice, though perhaps not doing demanding poses when you are injured or upset. Sometimes all we need to do is breathe, release slowly in gentle seated poses, or lying on our backs. Sometimes all we need to do is to rest in the peace and joy of our own hearts. No religion necessary. Find your own way to the Divine, back home to yourself. 

For me, the mat and movement combined with breath has brought me everything. So thank you yoga, for being my path. Thank you to all my teachers, from the very first to the last. I am so grateful for all this practice has brought me and for all it has yet to bring.

Lakshmi, Hindu goddess of abundance, love and success
Lakshmi – who knows maybe one day I’ll float up to heaven between two elephants 🙂

I hope you have a way to come home to yourself every day too. It doesn’t have to be yoga, anything that takes you out of your head and into your body will do, gardening, walking, swimming, cycling, just please UNPLUG when you do so. Let your thoughts roam free and if this idea scares you it means you really need to let them go. Learn to turn your thoughts into your best friend not your critic, enjoy moving your body and finding the joy in your heart.

Wishing you all the greatest of joys and the happiest of hearts.

Lots of love

Edwina xxx